Sort of flying 

And landing and soaring… unapologetically. Praying and keeping faith even when I feel lost… God, my father, always leads me!!! So blessed! So blessed. 
I don’t deserve your mercy and grace Lord, which is why it means the World (a few deminsions) to me… 

Hebrews 12:1&2

12 Wherefore seeing we also are compassed about with so great a cloud of witnesses, let us lay aside every weight, and the sin which doth so easily beset us, and let us run with patience the race that is set before us,
2 Looking unto Jesus the author and finisher of our faith; who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is set down at the right hand of the throne of God.

Master piece 

Simply going into a world of my own. 

Not afraid but always on stand by

Keenly tracing my skin, in between beds 

I know you wish I knew what you knew 

But all I know is 

Well… truth is, I know very little

I expect to get to know more as I grow older. 

Until then, I’m a master piece 

My own glocc nine

My own sharp knife 

Or paint brush 

Or eyeliner 

Shoot, maybe I’ll be a picture of many 

Whatever it is, I’ll be mastered 

Toxic: Loving the right person at the wrong time

I don’t want to live in silence any longer. I am speaking of silence of heart. How my heart feels. Right now, my heart is broken. LITERALLY! Today I woke up to another ridiculous text message from an ex… Literally my 2nd ex in my entire life. I am not including men I was interested in or had any sexual relationship with; I am referring to Love. I never loved anyone so much… I tried my best. I did everything a woman of my age, maturity and vulnerability could possibly do. I traveled cross country to make us work. I gave up freedoms. I refused other mens’ friendship… I really put my social life on hold.

 

Now, as I think about the rude, inconsiderate text message that I received, I can only think of how much I loved him. I think of the sadness I probably caused by sending that angry (excuse the vulgarity) “FUCK YOU” text message. I get literally sick to my stomach when I think about him sexing or even sexting someone else. Yet, here I am moving on. He did first though.. I feel angry. I feel confused!!! Every step of this breakup has gotten worse, every time I try looking back… God, I just want to fall in love with someone else already!!!!!!! I hate feeling helpless and ashamed of myself. I can’t let him kill my self-love. I had self-love before him and I refuse to let him cut me deeply…

HONESTLY, I feel like he never really even knew me. Like everything we experienced was a lucid dream or some wild sh**! I am so frustrated with how he feels about me.. He called me fake, selfish, ‘easy’, and all sorts of hateful things… THE WORST was how he insisted I never loved him and I DON’T KNOW HOW TO LOVE…. 😦

You’re not wifey type

I gave him every bit of love that I knew. I knew how to give, I gave. I knew how to listen, I listened. I knew how to appreciate, and I appreciated. I just never learned how to be dependent, and I can never see myself depending on someone else’s decisions or judgement of how I should live my life.

I want you to know, if you’re reading this, we will never speak again. You don’t have to worry about me moving backwards with you. You may hate me, but I resent you which is even worse. You said some wicked things to me… How you feel towards me is you’re right. I can validate you’re feelings. I can admit my faults. But I will not continue belittling myself or my self worth by accepting this kind of love. We are finally over. 

 

My love wasn’t noticed. I thought we could be friends but he was right… We could never be friends. Ever.

 

It. is. officially.. Over..

 

Welcome to my first big break up. At 23, I never knew a love quite like this… 

Revel 

I am more than enough! Every part of me. The imperfections and the flaws. A man is going to accept me for me one day. One day, I will be exactly what God has ordained! Sins and all… I am forgiven, and I will be just fine. 
I feel badly for everyone who wishes me badly…. you are only hurting yourself! 

I’m tired 

Tired of waking up 

Tired of sleeping 

Tired of being wrong and right 

I just want to be. Without being 

Ya know, human stuff. 

Like feelings and sub conscious sins that turn into reality 

Like girls kissing girls 

Or men grabbing my boots 

I’m tired of being sinful when I love God 

I’m also exhausted from attempting to prove I’m worthy. 

I am worthy. God loves me. 

Anyways, I guess I’ll just be me and enjoy the humane scenery