I find myself shamefully writing this blog post. I am saddened by how quickly I lost myself. How I woke up one day and lost my mind. I am writing this as a woman broken by her own carelessness. I believed for a long time that being “free” meant doing whatever it is I chose to do; in retrospect, this ideology is justified. BUT, in my life, in my spiritual journey, I was foolish.
I am a Woman who has been after Gods own heart for as long as I could remember. I have cradled the fence of sinfulness and holiness for far too long. It all started with wanting ‘friends’ as a young woman. I grew up desiring to have real friends. I pushed God away so many times in my own mind in order to fit in with the masses.
I do not blame anyone in my life for my own personal choice to be disobedient to the word of God. I blame my own absentmindedness.
I want everyone reading this to understand: GOD IS GOD. Nothing in my life compares to the peace or joy that I have received in Christ JESUS.
I am acknowledging my lack of discipline in the gospel. I am acknowledging my lust of worldly gain(s). I am also acknowledging that I NEED Jesus.
I, personally, cannot live a fulfilling or blessed lifestyle without reading the word faithfully. I am unhappy when I am not in the house of God. I am empty when I do not worship. I am hungry when I do not fast.
I have been vexed. I have been asleep. I have been living in sin for months now. I cannot deny that I am unclean. Yes, we are all sinners. Every sin is equal. BUT LISTEN, once I gave my life to Christ, I know that I cannot do the same things as unbelievers.
Please pray for me. If you do not believe, I will pray for you. I am not here to argue faith or unbelief, I am simply speaking the TRUTH about my spirituality. God has set me a part, and I swear to y’all I AM NOTHING WITHOUT JESUS CHRIST. THE HOLY GHOST IS REAL, THE HOLY GHOST LIVES WITHIN ME.
I have been suffering from attempting to be like the World around me. I have caused myself great harm spiritually and I need a revival!!!!!!!
I realize the thing I wanted most, friends, is the main reason I have lost touch with my belief in Christ. An idle mind is the devils playground and I am praying God doesn’t let me fall as hard as I’ve fallen this last season of my life.