I left Nashville, Tennessee October 9 of 2016 to drive to Austin. I had no plans, $1000 to my name and a position with Americorps. I've been called "crazy" a few times because of my "bravery" to drive 13 hours across the country by myself… but I'm not brave. I'm not crazy. I was in desperate need to find my purpose. I've legit never been the type of woman to sit around and wait for people to change my circumstances. I have always been the narrator of my own story. The heroine of my own melodramatic tales. The villain. I've even deliberately caused chaos in my own world in order to FEEL, something; anything.
So… I drove here to Austin, Texas in my 1999 Toyota Camry.
My CAmry was totaled a month after I arrived in a car wreck.
As soon as I arrived I went straight to a church. I knew Gods people would either 1. Welcome me in or 2. Bless me with some sort of monetary or spiritual gifting
And of course, I was right. A church on the east side paid for me to stay in a motel for an entire week. They didn't hesitate to bless me. I knew God was on my side and I knew I was meant to be here…
Fast forward a few months. I began drinking again, smoking again and fornicating (having sex) again. This time, I was a lot more frivolous! In the total of 9 months of being in Austin, I've tried mollly, ecstasy, and Xanax. I've been on road trips. I've been drunk out of my mind. I've been in situations my imagination couldn't even make up!!!!!!! I fell off completely.
Austin, Texas has shown me the worst parts of myself.
Am I ashamed? Nope. Am I embarrassed? Nope. I know exactly what I have done. I take full responsibility for my pathetic choices.
The absolute best part of losing myself was gaining a new perspective on drug abuse and fast money.
There are SO many young people here in Austin who have been doing the exact same things (if not worse) as me. I can't explain how dark life got for me. Words cannot describe the foggy and exhausting lifestyle that I began living.
I'm grateful that it only took me 9 months to fall down and get back up again.
I pray for my fellow millennials. I continuously pray for myself as well.
Nobody is exempt from reality.