I feel alive even though I am so unsure what my future will be like…

Or look like, or sound like, or any of that. I feel so  unbothered some moments, and others, I feel so ashamed and gothy. (As in gothy, I mean emo). I am seriously going through a mid-twenties-crisis and I just want to freaking find myself; yet again.

 

I hope I am not the only 23 year old feeling so lowly. I swear I don’t wish bad on anyone, and I try to keep my shitty decisions to a minimum. People have to know that 20-somethings are difficult and daunting. Living becomes cynical and working seems like a never ending chore… I just want to be on an island, sipping tea and enjoying a man who enjoys me.

 

But that is NOT my reality. I am a natural messup. I just somehow get out of things alive. I ruin my finances and I don’t save enough. I party wayyy too much and I trust the wrong people constantly. It is honestly exhausting dealing with myself most days.

Sometimes, I wish that time would just fast forward so that I can be old and grey with tons of great great grandchildren running around. Hopefully a handsome husband that loves me and I love deearrly. I still want to be goofy, free and spiritual; of course. 

 

I dont like everything about myself. Some of my character flaws have gotten me into too many horrible situations. I can only pray to be a better 24 year old and so on… 

Can we both agree that we’re just sort of learning this whole life thing together?

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