As I lay in my bed, curtains blocking the blue sky and sunshine… There are no lights on and it’s about 11 o’clock. I still feel the pain of my past. I’m disgusted at myself, still. I’m complacent.
I feel overwhelmed with fear. Although I no longer am in my past, my past taunts me. Those men laugh in my memory. They haunt my day to day interaction with the World! I pray. God please save me from my mind!!!! I’m so traumatized. I’m paralyzed by my memories. I’m stuck in a constant cycle of what if’s and maybe’s. I wish I could forget about my old life. But wishes don’t come true.
How could I allow for my life to be turned upside down?? How could I let these men keep me afraid, paranoid and dead inside?
I WANT BACK MY MIND! I want my mental health. I want the plethora of wise mind I was born with.
Sexual assault is more than a crime. It is deadly. Those men didn’t only take my body, they took my free will to feel alive.