I’ve been away for a while. Building up more courage, digging deeper in my Spirit, seeking more Spiritual influence and living. For everyone who views my blog, I am alive! For all of the people who acknowledge my existence, I am alive. And last but not least, to the World of people who will come to my blog; I do adore everyone one of you.-Chantier (Bonnie) Johnson
I am in school at the moment, full-time, of course. As a Woman-in-Color, I feel it is necessary to speak my truths. I have not been able to connect with any of the other Women-in-Color on campus because of my anxiety and depression. I feel so disconnected in a way that I would have never imagined… I simply do not want friends. So, I am alone most days on campus just listening to my music and dancing my big ole’ heart out. I love being able to be alone but I am a Socialite by nature. Growing up I was always the girl who spoke to everyone and acknowledged everyone’s existence. Time and a lot more experience in the REAL WORLD silenced me. I am now an Introverted Woman who no one ever gets the pleasure of knowing… UNTIL I DECIDE OTHERWISE. There is a thin line between being mean or rude and being Anti-Social. I am trying to curve the BITTERNESS that resides in my heart, due too past experiences with bitches (because, well, I’ve met them). It has also been a very long time since I was on a college campus or around people my age. It is going to take a little more time until I feel comfortable with small talk without feeling like I am wasting my energy. Or maybe I will always be this way. I like myself enough to keep my light lit. I refuse to give myself to anyone not deserving of my peace.
May the Lord grant me the Serenity to accept the things that I cannot change, change the things that I can and the Wisdom to know the Difference.
I know that I am healing. The reason that I know I am healing is: I am not Dead. I have not died. I am alive. I am not Walking Dead. I continue waking up every single day. I pray every single day. I praise every single day. I laugh, smile or at least try, every single day. My light still shines. I am alive! I pray for an abundance of grace and mercy for the rest of my life. I want to Phoenix into The BEST LIFE POSSIBLE. I am exhausted from my paranoia’s. I am tired of being tired. I am a Grown Woman now and I can not doubt myself anymore.
The Heart of A Champion.