So, recently I have been seeing this new guy. I mean, it’s seriously not that serious. BUT, I have found myself really liking him and wishing that I could spend more time with him. He’s super busy, of course, because I always like guys who are busy or productive. I just feel so alone. It is not his fault that I am feeling so alone or that I am forced to stay home every night of the week because I am on bed rest; I just wish I would stop meeting guys I like.
At this point, I seriously need to listen to the lessons that God is teaching me about my lonely season. I believe that I keep running into this same “issue” with relationships because it is not time for me to be in love.
Song of Songs 3:1-9
All night long on my bed
I looked for the one my heart loves;
I looked for him but did not find him.
2 I will get up now and go about the city,
through its streets and squares;
I will search for the one my heart loves.
So I looked for him but did not find him.
3 The watchmen found me
as they made their rounds in the city.
“Have you seen the one my heart loves?”
4 Scarcely had I passed them
when I found the one my heart loves.
I held him and would not let him go
till I had brought him to my mother’s house,
to the room of the one who conceived me.
5 Daughters of Jerusalem, I charge you
by the gazelles and by the does of the field:
Do not arouse or awaken love
until it so desires.***
I am so exhausted at this point in my life of my own human nature because I want so badly to be different and mature and self controlled. It seems like the more I want to change, the less I actually do.
LORD, please keep me from falling. I know that I am a sinner, and I am guilty. I confess my ways to you. Release me from this imprisonment of my mind. JESUS, I ask of you to keep me strong where I am weak and fill me up with your goodness. Father, grant me the desires of my heart when it is time. Give me patience.