Bills, Bills, Bills…

I can’t express how annoyed I am by my own complacency. I swear, I do dream BIG. But my actions are so opposite of my dreams.

In order to be wealthy, I must first be rich, and before I can even think of riches; I have to catch up and pay off debts that hinder me from even being able to live lavish.

 

Its time to knock out some of these bills, and collections I have been putting on hold.

AMERICA, YOU WON’T WIN. I SWEAR, I will conquer these demons!! (YES, bills are from the devil). lol

I feel alive even though I am so unsure what my future will be like…

Or look like, or sound like, or any of that. I feel so  unbothered some moments, and others, I feel so ashamed and gothy. (As in gothy, I mean emo). I am seriously going through a mid-twenties-crisis and I just want to freaking find myself; yet again.

 

I hope I am not the only 23 year old feeling so lowly. I swear I don’t wish bad on anyone, and I try to keep my shitty decisions to a minimum. People have to know that 20-somethings are difficult and daunting. Living becomes cynical and working seems like a never ending chore… I just want to be on an island, sipping tea and enjoying a man who enjoys me.

 

But that is NOT my reality. I am a natural messup. I just somehow get out of things alive. I ruin my finances and I don’t save enough. I party wayyy too much and I trust the wrong people constantly. It is honestly exhausting dealing with myself most days.

Sometimes, I wish that time would just fast forward so that I can be old and grey with tons of great great grandchildren running around. Hopefully a handsome husband that loves me and I love deearrly. I still want to be goofy, free and spiritual; of course. 

 

I dont like everything about myself. Some of my character flaws have gotten me into too many horrible situations. I can only pray to be a better 24 year old and so on… 

Can we both agree that we’re just sort of learning this whole life thing together?

Bonjour toute le monde

J’ai Chantier but I prefer to be called Bonnie. Anyone who is new to my life, or journey or even blog, here is where you can catch up.

 

I am glad I finally am brave enough to share this… It is so personal, but necessary that you get to know me through a long history of who I truly am. You probably met me once or twice or maybe we kicked it and exchanged numbers. Idk, either way, don’t lose touch.

 

Welcome to my blog, I hope you enjoy getting to know my truth.

SMBC

S is for the selflessness I seek

M is for the monetary gifts

B is for the very very blessed life we will live.

and

C is for Christs love for us!!!!

 

 

AHHHH!!!!!! 23 years old, and I have finally discovered something I can be really great at. After these last few years that have really made me feel a lot more a-sexual, than anything, I do believe I have a choice in my future lifestyle.

 

Anyways, I live in Austin, Texas officially. So over everythinng except for seeking the LORD and the highest vibrations of joy and peace.

Free 

Honestly, I feel so inspired by everyone around me. From the artists, to the trap dudes, even strippers. I love the individuality in the world outside of my own. I’ve considered stripping recently… yes, I need the money. But more importantly, I can do whatever I like. 
And that, is enough. 💜

Hostile

Angry 

Upset 

Weirded out 

Like, how, why, when…

I’d like to point out…

Nevermind, I’m not in the mood. 

I don’t feel like it. Go away!

Wait, stay. Don’t do me like that

You are ocean deep 

I’m like a puddle. 

Knee deep in my pussay

Calling out my name

Shut up fool!!! 

Ugh. 

Ugh. 

Hostile… mentally insane