Sticks and stones may break my bones but words will ALWAYS kill me; inside.

Recently I have had to come to the realization that I am a self preserving Lover. I love with every intention to give and not take from anyone around me; but I also love with a logical mind. I have recently exhausted my ability to overlook disrespectful and delusional people. I have built a life for myself through countless prayers, positive affirmations and I did not allow myself to be tainted by people. I now accept that, even family, can be cut off from receiving my direct attention. I have been really good at ignoring negative vibes and negative people without guilt and shame. Now, I am going to start ignoring my family. I am going to pray for them from a distance. I am going to send them my best wishes, but I am not sacrificing my own peace of mind for their acceptance.

Anyone, who disrespects you and makes you feel badly about yourself or your life is unhealthy. ANYONE! Family is not exempt from that rule. They do not get a pass from me anymore. 

 

For anyone reading this, learn to accept when ties have been severed and let your family members be miserable alone. Don’t invite them into your home (I know that’s hard), don’t spend your last dime on them, don’t let them say disrespectful words and shame you, don’t let their demons come and destroy whatever it is you have built for yourself. I am accepting of the release of my loved ones. I am okay with not answering phones calls, I am okay with not letting them into my home, I am okay with not being close to some of them anymore. I won’t live in a delusional world with miserable people. AND FAMILY IS MOST CERTAINLY INCLUDED!

I am not a doctor. I am not a therapist. I am not a rehabilitation center. I am not a human being and I will not be a hurt persons punching bag. 

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FOCUS

Focus

noun the center of interest or activity 

verb pay particular attention to 

 

Y’all do not understand how difficult it is to be honest with myself. I swear, I can lay in my bed all day and really believe in my mind that I am fulfilling my dreams. It’s insane. Ultimately, I lose focus on my bigger goals, dreams, and aspirations. I lose interest in the biggest parts of my happiness. I refrain from actively focusing on the creative instinct God placed in me because of how stressful life is. I don’t want or desire for anyone else to be like me. 

I hope that young or old women globally find their focus and don’t lose it. I pray that their minds eye acts as a microscope on the desires of their hearts. I want to encourage you to pay particular attention to your music, art, math class, English lesson, 20 page essay, monologue script, job assignment, and business. I cannot express how easy it is to LOSE FOCUS. Small problems turn into disabling habits. Literally.

 

Fight for your focus. Don’t let your dreams die because of a boy, a blunt, a bottle or an invite. Your accomplishments directly reflect the amount of attention and time you put into whatever it is you want your life to be. 

 

I believe in us. I believe in THE FOCUS.

 

Forgiving someone does not mean a “continuation” of the relationship.

Whether it is personal, an associate, business or simply causal; forgiving someone does not equate to them staying around. I’ve learned about many people in all 5 states that I have resided. There have been a handful of people that I have purposely cut ties with because of character traits that I can not personally associate with; which is entirely my choice.

For example, there was a woman whom lived in my 1 bedroom town-home. I invited her to stay with me because her and her then, 1 year old son, were homeless on the streets of Atlanta, GA. She of course acted friendly for at LEAST 2 weeks before her character began to show negative and incomprehensible signs. I kept ignoring the red flags: always starting arguments with me, always feeling “inferior”, always making jokes, always comparing, etc. The list could go on… ANYWAYS, I chose to ignore these signs which ultimately led to us getting physical and me leaving to move back home to Seattle.

If I were as forgiving as people would like me to be, she’d probably still be in my life somehow. Whether that be a Facebook friend, or follower on Instagram. But, I refused ANY contact with her after our altercation. I refused to respond to her emails. I refused to accept her false letter of apology because it was very demeaning and sarcastic. I no longer wanted her in my life.

Did I lose anything by cutting her completely off? NOPE. Do I regret burning that bridge? NOPE. Because I KNOW what I deserve out of friendships. I know what I need out of friends. I don’t need any added stressors from people who consider themselves my “friend”.

I choose my friends very wisely. Now, don’t get me wrong, I give a lot of people the benefit of the doubt. If there is a person that I know wasn’t purposely being malice or disrespectful towards me, I consider their heart. 

Love thyself more than you Love relations.

  • Don’t settle with any kind of “friend”.
  • Don’t accept things that affect you negativey!
  •  Signs of a Toxic FRIENDSHIP.
  • Don’t push things under the carpet.
  • Know yourself (Keep getting to know yourself).
  • Don’t let people sell you “loyalty
    • I have met some manipulative wo(men) who make you feel obligated to continue a friendship just because they feel they deserve it
  • BE YOU! UNAPOLOGETIC ALLY
  • Know what you deserve out of a person
  • Listen to your heart, it’ll rarely lead you wrong

 

 

Know that you are more important than that other person, they are just meeting you, you’ve known yourself your whole life!!!!!!!!

Happiness hit hard, like a train.

Coming towards me,

Can't move.

No turning back.

I think happiness wants me, I want it; too.

Happiness why did I have to get hurt to meet you?
I figure it's necessary.

Nonetheless, I am so glad we've met.

Train wreck of a life, but, now eye am the wifey of happiness.

Do not

Doubt yourself. This gives others the opportunity to openly and shamelessly doubt you. You and I both can agree it is hard to gather strength after an extreme financial, material or relational loss… It isn’t easy being human. FOR ANYONE.

Rich or Poor choose your fate. Indirectly. Directly. Whatever.

What is that empty feeling in the pit of my stomach?

I suppose it could be boredom. Or denial. Maybe I just feel extra unfulfilled this morning. All I know is that I need to be free from this stupid  negative emotion. I really despise negativity, especially when it is coming from my own self.

God has surely changed my life. I woke up wanting, NEEDING, YEARNING to get up and book a flight or a greyhound ticket. I want to travel somewhere right now. ANYWHERE BUT HERE. I want to be on the open road. I want to enjoy a weekend alone; again.

Ugh. I just want to fly away today.

This is why I enjoy writing. I start with a thought, or a question and I surprisingly answer the exact question that I couldn’t figure out in my own head. Writing gives me perspective. Also, now I know what that empty feeling in the pit of my stomach is… 

I have the wanderlust blues.